I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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