I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
