I smell stomach acid.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
