At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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