hotel room ftw
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
