Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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