somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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