This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
