Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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