he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
