You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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