I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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