1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
