Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
