Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize