Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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