o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize