i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
