I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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