it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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