It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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