Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
