oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were destined to go to rehab together
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
