Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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