i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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