also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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