Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize