3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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