Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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