I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize