If i come over, it means nothing
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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