It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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