How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
