I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
