remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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