just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
