If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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