So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
