Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
