wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
