why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
