Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
love makes seman taste better
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Holy sore nipples Batman
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
