O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
