I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
