You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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