he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
