Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
