Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
