I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
