so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
