Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize