i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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