I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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