best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
