Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
