You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
