im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
