you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
