i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
