This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
