note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
