i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
