I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
where does the pee come out of this thing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize