how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
