Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
