why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
