Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
