this will be a night to untag.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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