I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
