He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
